Satellite Tier List
There are now over 10,000 satellites in orbit. They are not created equal. For the first time ever, T3T presents the definitive ranking of history’s most prominent satellites.
The criteria are:
- How innovative is it?
- Is it the first? Is it the only?
- How useful is it?
- Does it hold the fabric of society together? Has it changed the world as we know it? Is it responsible for saving millions of lives?
- Am I entertained by it for some other reason?
1. We’ll get back to this later
2. Sputnik I
In 1957, it became the original satellite
1. Vostok I
Hosted the first human orbital spaceflight (of Yuri Gagarin)
Kind of does look like a mechanical bee
Alleged stealth spy satellite program - you may not like it, but this is the shape of peak performance
A spy satellite that got distracted and gave us a couple of great desktop backgrounds
A useful king
The only way to get from your dorm to your first class
Helps prevent nuclear war
Like a warm blanket that keeps us safe
6. GOES Series
NOAA weather satellites
Believe it or not, some satellites that the US government claims are weather satellites are actually weather satellites
Maps the Earth
1. International Space Station
The pinnacle of diplomacy
Spend money to spend money
The only space station without chronic arthritis and liver spots
The OG satellite constellation for communication
They are LEGION
The Golden Snitches of satellites
The Bludgers of satellites
Attack satellites funded by a US Senator which violate the Outer Space Treaty
Amazon in-house ripoff of Starlink
North Korea claims this was launched successfully and definitely didn’t blow up on the launch pad, why would you even think that?
If so, has better stealth tech than Misty
But finally, S Tier Rank 1:
This sphere of Manchego cheese was made without harm to animals in a low-density, chilled environment. It inspired countless fantastical films like Mary Poppins (1964), Despicable Me (2010), Sailor Moon (1991 - 1997), and the Moon Landing (1969).
The Moon is Earth’s first and only natural satellite.
Advanced engineering has ensured that, unlike other satellites, the Moon can maintain its high orbit without the use of propulsion.
The Moon existed long before life on Earth and will live to see us leave our mossy rock for greater things or die trying.